Shock ‘Em Dead

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“For the girl of his dreams, he’d make a deal with the devil.”
Get ready to rock out with your schlock out at Shock ‘Em Dead, the head-banging horror comedy (at least we hope it was supposed to be funny …) about an obnoxious nerd who makes a dirty deal with the Devil to become the most famous rock star in the world, leading to all sorts of nasty surprises, including a starring role for ex-porn queen Traci Lords! Schwing! Angel Martin is what might delicately be referred to as a “complete f**king loser,” but he’s got a plan to take him straight to Coolsville – he’s going to become the world’s greatest rock star! However, when his audition for a pop metal Poison rip-off band (led by a strangely “gleeful” drama queen dude dressed in a spandex onesie) goes down the toilet, he naturally resorts to the logical Plan B: hook up with a skanky voodoo priestess he meets while hanging out in a pizzeria parking lot and use her to connect him with Satan, with whom he strikes deal – in exchange for making Angel the biggest rock star in the world (or at least in the crummy area of Los Angeles where he lives), Satan gets Angel’s soul, leading to the cinematic equivalent of the hit country song “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” by the Charlie Daniels Band, only with less fiddle playing and more boobs, hot tubs, giant heavy metal hair, glowing green eyes and senseless violence … not to mention a rock band named “Spastic Colon.” Featuring a snarling Traci Lords as the band’s tough, no-nonsense manager, ’80 exploitation vet Aldo Day (Don’t Go in the Park, Hollywood Cop) in his next-to-last movie role, and former 1950s heartthrob Troy Donahue (A Summer Place) as a drunken record label bigwig (although whether the “drunken” part of his character was actually in the script seems open for debate), Shock ‘Em Dead is Number One with a Bullet on the “truly terrible rock and roll demonic possession horror comedy flick” charts! (Dir. by Mark Freed, 1991, 93 mins., Rated R) Digital