Queen Kong

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The king of all giant monkey movies may have inspired a lot of nutty remakes, revamps and rip-offs, but none were quite as aggressively ridiculous and/or mercilessly misguided as the 1976 camp fest Queen Kong! In this gender-bending Kong spoof/rip-off (made to cash in on the “official” 1976 King Kong remake produced by Dino De Laurentiis, who sued – and won – to halt its release) the well-known story of “monkey meets girl, monkey loses girl, monkey trashes city to find girl” meets the ‘70s feminist movement head on as an all-female film crew (led by a beautiful supermodel-turned-director) sails to a remote island to shoot an action/romance/adventure epic in the deep, dark jungle, only to run afoul of a giant, lusty (and quite frankly, kind of bitchy) giant female ape named Queen Kong. Luckily, the ladies have brought with them a supposedly hunky blonde actor named Ray, who is immediately sacrificed to the big hairy gal, and before you know it, there’s a whole lot of interspecies love going on as Queen Kong does her best to keep Ray on a short relationship leash. But when Ray is rescued, and the Queen is forcibly brought back to London to become the world’s first giant ape supermodel (even being fitted with an oversized metal bikini top), our angry monkey mamma gets mad as hell and refuses to take it anymore, breaking free from the shackles of oppression and showing all of London what happens when a true lady gets truly pissed off. Tacky, silly and so low-budget it looks like everything is literally made out of papier mache (even some of the actors!), Queen Kong manages to encompass all that is “bad” about bad movies, including awful musical numbers, clumsy monsters, laughable special effects, slapstick humor that makes Benny Hill look like Shakespeare, horribly dated topical jokes, atrocious acting (led by ‘70s “celebrity spokeswoman” Rula Lenska) and the ridiculous Queen Kong herself … played by an actor (presumably a male chauvinist pig!) in a mangy, ill-fitting female monkey suit equipped with poofy feathered hair, pert breasts and a crumbly complexion just begging for some Oil of Olay. Feminism was never the same again … (Dir. by Frank Agrama, 1976, UK, 87 mins., Not Rated) Digital